Tuesday, March 09, 2004
You want me to be something I’m not
You want me to love something I’m indifferent to
You want me to talk, walk, and think differently
All because it makes you happy
What happened to the father
Who wanted all his little girl’s dreams to come true?
Ballerinas and becoming a doctor…
You never supported a decision I made
Just confused the issue
So you could get your way
And now…
A part time job turns into a full-time hell
When did I fall asleep and wake 38?
Why can’t I breathe?
I would love to go to school
And get an education I desire
But you always discourage me from my way…
You are the sole cause for my failures
Your lack of integrity
You lie through your teeth
And smile all the same
You think it is funny
How stupid I am
Yet you know nothing about accounting
And get mad at me for not understanding
You don’t explain things thoroughly
And then say,” Aren’t you intelligent?”
It is you job to ask questions
And know things you know nothing about.
You want me to be passionate about this job
But when did faxing and filing become apart of accounting?
You are always right
With your misguided ways
And your illegal acts
You aren’t right
And I refuse to play your puppet
So I’m sitting here
Waiting in purgatory
For God to give me one final shot.
You want me to love something I’m indifferent to
You want me to talk, walk, and think differently
All because it makes you happy
What happened to the father
Who wanted all his little girl’s dreams to come true?
Ballerinas and becoming a doctor…
You never supported a decision I made
Just confused the issue
So you could get your way
And now…
A part time job turns into a full-time hell
When did I fall asleep and wake 38?
Why can’t I breathe?
I would love to go to school
And get an education I desire
But you always discourage me from my way…
You are the sole cause for my failures
Your lack of integrity
You lie through your teeth
And smile all the same
You think it is funny
How stupid I am
Yet you know nothing about accounting
And get mad at me for not understanding
You don’t explain things thoroughly
And then say,” Aren’t you intelligent?”
It is you job to ask questions
And know things you know nothing about.
You want me to be passionate about this job
But when did faxing and filing become apart of accounting?
You are always right
With your misguided ways
And your illegal acts
You aren’t right
And I refuse to play your puppet
So I’m sitting here
Waiting in purgatory
For God to give me one final shot.
Friday, March 05, 2004
The best moments are when I am sitting on a park bench for no apparent reason
And a soft breeze surrounds me in its motherly arms,
Making me feel as if in that very moment nothing is wrong
Nothing can harm me, or ruin my spirits
I stare at the clouds, and the branches swaying peacefully in the beautiful clear sky
And all is well; I am one with the earth, myself and God
Whomever that is, a spirit, a peace of mind, Hope in my heart
That everything will turn out all right…
I feel like that daily, minus the negative forces crashing down on me
I honestly feel like everything is going to be okay.
And a soft breeze surrounds me in its motherly arms,
Making me feel as if in that very moment nothing is wrong
Nothing can harm me, or ruin my spirits
I stare at the clouds, and the branches swaying peacefully in the beautiful clear sky
And all is well; I am one with the earth, myself and God
Whomever that is, a spirit, a peace of mind, Hope in my heart
That everything will turn out all right…
I feel like that daily, minus the negative forces crashing down on me
I honestly feel like everything is going to be okay.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
It almost felt like insanity
Like speaking a language no one understands
Until I’m blue in the face
And they still don’t get it
I dance around
Screaming louder
Pulling my hair at the ends
And I tried to learn
That it is better in life to let it go
Than to pretend you can fix it
I fixed it all right…
And now it’s gone
And I never knew how to love it
I always thought it was right there
But when I glanced to see
It had wandered away from me
I called to it
Sang a song to it
And danced a little jig
It laughed walked two steps past me
And gave me hope
I believed in it
And chose to put my faith
In a man
But men just don’t understand
When a woman can love you
She can hate you just as much
The sad part is my love ran thick
And my hate was thinned
By blood
It had melted out of me
Dripped from the source
Slowly
Quietly
Killing me
So am I insane?
I can’t say I’m not
But when you called to recognize
That my message wasn’t too far off
It meant the world
To hear your voice
In clear plain English
And with no reserves
And I knew why
Because you had known all along
That everything I had said to you
Made perfect sense
And that is why
I had loved you so
And that is why
I had to hate you
So you couldn’t break me
My spirit and my energy
My heart my voice and my body
Ached to be by your side then
But I am here
And you are there
And we may have distance between us now
But I can see
That you and I
Are finally seeing eye to eye.
Like speaking a language no one understands
Until I’m blue in the face
And they still don’t get it
I dance around
Screaming louder
Pulling my hair at the ends
And I tried to learn
That it is better in life to let it go
Than to pretend you can fix it
I fixed it all right…
And now it’s gone
And I never knew how to love it
I always thought it was right there
But when I glanced to see
It had wandered away from me
I called to it
Sang a song to it
And danced a little jig
It laughed walked two steps past me
And gave me hope
I believed in it
And chose to put my faith
In a man
But men just don’t understand
When a woman can love you
She can hate you just as much
The sad part is my love ran thick
And my hate was thinned
By blood
It had melted out of me
Dripped from the source
Slowly
Quietly
Killing me
So am I insane?
I can’t say I’m not
But when you called to recognize
That my message wasn’t too far off
It meant the world
To hear your voice
In clear plain English
And with no reserves
And I knew why
Because you had known all along
That everything I had said to you
Made perfect sense
And that is why
I had loved you so
And that is why
I had to hate you
So you couldn’t break me
My spirit and my energy
My heart my voice and my body
Ached to be by your side then
But I am here
And you are there
And we may have distance between us now
But I can see
That you and I
Are finally seeing eye to eye.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
I drown myself in many faces
Random places
And strangers whom
I forget their names
I sit and laugh and talk
About the past
With man after man
Searching for one
With a sparkle in his eye
That intrigues not just me
But all who look his way
I don’t need to be
The envy of anybody
But someone who knows what to say
Deep blue eyes
That sing with no sound
And I have found my way
Back to the road
I was before
Trailing along towards happiness
This ignorant bliss
Can’t last too long
But I’ll enjoy it anyway
I hum some songs
And I can’t stay long
But I sit with him past three
We laugh we talk
We kiss and touch
But not like that you see
He respects me
Listens to the message
Not only the words
And doesn’t care how they’re put
As long as I look deep into his eyes
And I know he’s staring back in mine
I try to think of something to say
But comfortable silence is found
And I know he’s the one
That I have for now
That I’ll keep around
For awhile
He looks at me
Endearingly
And I see him start to smile
I laugh too much
Can’t say the right words
But he doesn’t seem to mind
Just to sit, to laugh, and to talk
For awhile
Just to sit, to laugh, and to kiss
For awhile
Not worrying about
The small things
Because they happen anyway
I couldn’t write better
Thought of it quicker
Or even had to pretend it was real
It was there and I took it
For what it was
For what it is
For what it can be
And I’m okay
Just standing here
Here with you is fine by me
Because, frankly,
I’m enjoying the view
Random places
And strangers whom
I forget their names
I sit and laugh and talk
About the past
With man after man
Searching for one
With a sparkle in his eye
That intrigues not just me
But all who look his way
I don’t need to be
The envy of anybody
But someone who knows what to say
Deep blue eyes
That sing with no sound
And I have found my way
Back to the road
I was before
Trailing along towards happiness
This ignorant bliss
Can’t last too long
But I’ll enjoy it anyway
I hum some songs
And I can’t stay long
But I sit with him past three
We laugh we talk
We kiss and touch
But not like that you see
He respects me
Listens to the message
Not only the words
And doesn’t care how they’re put
As long as I look deep into his eyes
And I know he’s staring back in mine
I try to think of something to say
But comfortable silence is found
And I know he’s the one
That I have for now
That I’ll keep around
For awhile
He looks at me
Endearingly
And I see him start to smile
I laugh too much
Can’t say the right words
But he doesn’t seem to mind
Just to sit, to laugh, and to talk
For awhile
Just to sit, to laugh, and to kiss
For awhile
Not worrying about
The small things
Because they happen anyway
I couldn’t write better
Thought of it quicker
Or even had to pretend it was real
It was there and I took it
For what it was
For what it is
For what it can be
And I’m okay
Just standing here
Here with you is fine by me
Because, frankly,
I’m enjoying the view
I’ve reserved a place in my heart for you…
You know the one
That soft spot that hurts when you touch it
Bruised and swollen
Tender and black
When I think of you it tickles
But feels like being punched in the chest
I tried Neosporin
But it just burned
I tried a band-aid
But all it left was a sticky residue
So I pretend it doesn’t exist
That soft spot on my heart
But sometimes when I see you
When you look through me
And for a moment see me
For all I am
All that I can be
My spot…heals.
You know the one
That soft spot that hurts when you touch it
Bruised and swollen
Tender and black
When I think of you it tickles
But feels like being punched in the chest
I tried Neosporin
But it just burned
I tried a band-aid
But all it left was a sticky residue
So I pretend it doesn’t exist
That soft spot on my heart
But sometimes when I see you
When you look through me
And for a moment see me
For all I am
All that I can be
My spot…heals.
I found myself hoping that you loved me
I felt your slow embraces, deep kisses and I knew
That somewhere deep down you did
I miss you sometimes
When I'm weary
And afraid of loving someone new
Cause maybe they'll be "the one"
And it will make me realize
You were never my one, my only and forever
I just pretended
Like a game we would play
Funny how you'd always win
And I'd be the sore sad loser
Wishing we’d play again
Just once, maybe
I'd prove to you
That I'm as loveable as you say
But that’s just it
You always knew, but you never acted
An act on a stage...
Like a play you'd recite lines of poetry
To tantalize my heart
My mind...my body
You touched me
I let you in
And maybe it wasn't fucking
But when you didn't call
It felt just like a game
And I was always the sore sad loser
I felt your slow embraces, deep kisses and I knew
That somewhere deep down you did
I miss you sometimes
When I'm weary
And afraid of loving someone new
Cause maybe they'll be "the one"
And it will make me realize
You were never my one, my only and forever
I just pretended
Like a game we would play
Funny how you'd always win
And I'd be the sore sad loser
Wishing we’d play again
Just once, maybe
I'd prove to you
That I'm as loveable as you say
But that’s just it
You always knew, but you never acted
An act on a stage...
Like a play you'd recite lines of poetry
To tantalize my heart
My mind...my body
You touched me
I let you in
And maybe it wasn't fucking
But when you didn't call
It felt just like a game
And I was always the sore sad loser
I wish I could say we’re all the same
We’re all alike in everyway
I wish I could say I’m over you
It’s just that easy
And we’re all okay
I felt the warmth of a tear
Drawing near in my eye
I felt it close, running softly down my cheek
And I
Knew I’d love you for eternity
And I want to know why I
Have been forsaken
To love another that doesn’t love
Who’ll never see exactly what I am
Who can’t comprehend
The measures I would go
And if I say so make it happen
To breathe to sing to dream to know
That he loves me and only me
For all of eternity.
We’re all alike in everyway
I wish I could say I’m over you
It’s just that easy
And we’re all okay
I felt the warmth of a tear
Drawing near in my eye
I felt it close, running softly down my cheek
And I
Knew I’d love you for eternity
And I want to know why I
Have been forsaken
To love another that doesn’t love
Who’ll never see exactly what I am
Who can’t comprehend
The measures I would go
And if I say so make it happen
To breathe to sing to dream to know
That he loves me and only me
For all of eternity.
Monday, March 01, 2004
The little squiggles take over
They twist and turn with delight
I lose my balance
And darkness takes over my sight
I fall onto the ground
Grabbing at any surface to catch
But instead of stability I find
I am slipping even further
But now faster and farther
I don’t know where I am
Or who is here with me
I feel a hand on my face
Slowly heading south
I laugh uncontrollably
But nothing funny happened
And I forgot what it was
That thing that I was saying
I have momentary amnesia
But I think I know who I am
It wasn’t who I was
It was who I was with you.
They twist and turn with delight
I lose my balance
And darkness takes over my sight
I fall onto the ground
Grabbing at any surface to catch
But instead of stability I find
I am slipping even further
But now faster and farther
I don’t know where I am
Or who is here with me
I feel a hand on my face
Slowly heading south
I laugh uncontrollably
But nothing funny happened
And I forgot what it was
That thing that I was saying
I have momentary amnesia
But I think I know who I am
It wasn’t who I was
It was who I was with you.
Sometimes I want to shoot myself right in the face…mostly right after I have had a “motivational” speech from my father.
